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currently reading people have experienced the Chaos! PROFILEThe Organizer of Chaos, M.C. Cavenaugh, is, according to others: cynical, shy, bi-polar, skeptical, poetic, sarcastic, witty, caustic, humble, sweet, charismatic, well-read, intelligent, hopelessly romantic, introverted, arrogant, out-going, polite, and above all, confusing. The Organizer's Vitals: twenty-two years old, single, male, college student living and drinking in North Carolina. The Chaotic List of CurrentsRead: The Dark Tower VII: The Dark Tower by Steven King Listen: Films about Ghosts: The Very Best of the Counting Crows by Counting Crows View: Fight ClubPlay: Tiger Woods 2005(PS2)
Contact MeAIM: CoronaGod Email: mccavenaugh@yahoo.comChaotic ReadsNewsESPNThe leader in sports entertainmentFox NewsNews from the rightCNNNews from the left/middleFARKHeadlines and humorDaze ReaderNews about sex, drugs, and rock & roll... but mainly sex.Yahoo! Upcoming MoviesNews about upcoming moviesMTVMusic and pop culture newsBillboardMusic news, rankings and ratingsRolling StoneStill relevant after all these yearsBlogsThe Watchtower of DestructionWritings of a deranged mammal... Just One Bite (formerly Dirty Whore Diary)Always something thought provoking... even if it might make you uncomfortableBAH!My good friend Robin's home on the webDave Barry's BlogThe Miami Herald writer- online and on everything.Bill Maher's BlogThe most intelligent political analyst/comedian onlineAbsent Minded RamblingsThe thoughts, opinions, and activities of my friend JamesDark DepthsMy friend Thomas's ranting and ramblings... meant in a good way, of course.Pussy RanchStarring Diablo Cody, a Mineapolis-area writer, stripper, and peep show performer.Gr8sienyman's Modern LifeA friend of a friend who has a life that I see much of myself in. Whether that's good or bad...Naked Loft PartyThe moralities of a polyamorous relationship... and steamy stories from the same...sweetness followsMike and Michelle- two twenty-something year old Canadians, in love and being kinkyThe Best Page in the UniverseIf you disagree with Maddox, you're automatically wrong... which means I'm wrong, but entertainedBeck's JournalMy roommates' girlfriends' blogPorcelain DiariesA frequently updated account of a normal teenage life... which is fascinating for reasons I don't know.Inquire WithinAn account of a life... hard to be more accurate than that.Inside OutThe LiveJournal of my friend Fran, who just so happens to be one of my favorite people (especially when I've been drinking). OthersLowbrowHome to a massive collection of stories from random people.Urban Legends Reference PageThe definitive source of information regarding Urban Legends.Modern DrunkardThe one and only magazine dedicated to the drunk. Fight on, brothers!Cruel.comThe dark underbelly of the Internet... exposed!Mister Cranky Rates the MoviesThe best movie reviews on the 'netI'm
Insane!!
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Jan 28, 2005
Make it official...
We're done here.
I've moved on, somewhere you won't find my real name, and somewhere no one who knows me in real life reads.
It's freeing.
So, ladies and gents, have a good life.
Posted at 01:06 am by mccavenaugh
Oct 3, 2004
You're going to be a large part of the reason I end up in a Canadian prison.
I think that puts you above most people.
That is all.
Posted at 03:28 pm by mccavenaugh
Oct 2, 2004
Tonight, I went to a haunted house thing with Evelyn, my roommate Chris, and his girlfriend Becky. It was a six hour round trip, the actual house thing lasted less than forty minutes, and it was worth every moment.
Another strange night in the land of Mike.
A lot on my mind, a lot of thoughts screaming for attention, but I'm ignoring all of it for the next ten hours or so. It's time to let my body rest, relax, and recharge. Fucking a, man, I deserve it. Posted at 01:44 am by mccavenaugh
Oct 1, 2004
I just had a seriously fucked up night.
Around 1, Evelyn called to get Chris to help her with her Chemistry homework. Apparently, over the phone wasn't working, so she decided he should come over.
She decided I should come, too.
Chris handed me the phone, and Evelyn said "This is Mike, right?"
I said "Yeah."
She said "Aww, you're my favoritest person, did you know that?"
Right there, yesterday went from shit-tacular to amazing. Goddamn her for having that kind of power.
Anyway, even though I didn't have any studying to do or any help to offer, she wanted me to come over too. I did, and I spent the next seven hours sitting on her couch, smoking cigarettes, and watching TV. I was a complete waste of space... but she was still glad I came.
And now, after a long, hot shower and other hygiene methods, I'm meeting her for lunch at 10.
Damn her and her ability to supercede my emotional blockade. Posted at 08:15 am by mccavenaugh
... sometimes I just feel lost. Right now's one of those times.
It's not even really anything I can explain. It's just... well, like I said, it's not something I can really explain.
What's causing it? Again, I can't really explain. It's partially the fact that I'm just completely fed up with almost everything in my life right now.
There's a ton of self-analysis I could do right now, but I think I'll just go to bed instead, chalking it up to aftershocks of emotional surgery. Posted at 01:07 am by mccavenaugh
Sep 30, 2004
I mentioned not going any further with Evelyn, and I think that's the way things will work best. Smoking (again) though, I thought of something.
One day, one of the other guys flirting with her will manage to slip past and become someone important to her. I'll be the one that she comes to with this discovery- I'm already creeping high on the friend list, and it's inevitable I hit the top spot soon.
When that happens, it'll hurt. A lot. Shit, it'll probably break my fucking heart. I'll slip into a dark haze, and I'll burn through cigarettes and alcohol until I don't feel broken anymore. I'll smile, tell her how happy I am for her, and die inside.
But it beats the alternative. It beats her being the one who's crushed and broken.
The more I like someone, the less likely I am to let them get extremely close to me. It's my sacrifice, and it's my gift to them.
Right now, I wonder if things could have worked. I can stop that. I can turn off the vast majority of my feelings towards her, and I will. I can become numb to the tingle I get just from being near her. I'll go on like this is a perfectly normal way to behave.
I fucking hate myself some times. Surprisingly, this is not one of them. I feel no shame, no remorse, and I have no question about whether or not I've made the right decision. If anything, I'm slightly happy about it.
And that just might be worse. Posted at 12:15 am by mccavenaugh
Sep 29, 2004
Forgive me if anything I write here sucks for a while... it's been a long fucking time since I've written anything purely recreationally.
Anyway.
I've been thinking a lot lately. Not that that is such an unusual thing. I tend to think a lot even when I don't feel compelled to mention it.
Again, anyway.
Last night, I was standing outside smoking one of the fifty or so cigarettes I inhale every day. I was off by myself, as I usually am, just staring at the sky and trying to let my mind blank out. It's about the only time I'm actually alone, so I take complete advantage of it.
Two people walked by, stopped, and started talking. It was a guy and a girl, and they just had that "couple" look. Anyway, at one point she was looking up at him, and I realized something.
There's one thing I really miss about having a steady girlfriend. It's that look. The look that says "I trust you, I like you, I want to be here" and a thousand other things at once. If you've seen it, you know the one I'm talking about. If not, I'm sorry for you.
So I headed back upstairs, laid down in bed, and stared at the underside of the top bunk for a while. I was thinking about that look, and wondering if I'd ever see it again, at least directed at me. I thought about it for a while, and I realized something.
I've got a serious crush on Evelyn. No doubt in my mind that I could fall hopelessly in love with her. There's not even much doubt in my mind that if I tried to advance the friendship to something more, she'd be not only receptive but ecstatic. There are moments when I get a fraction of that look from her, and I think there's definitely potential for more.
But it will never happen.
I know myself. I know I'm not that attractive, I'm a complete asshole, and getting involved with me is a sure-fire way to get hurt. I know that I'm so fucked up mentally it's just mean to let anyone get too close. I know that I tend to be caustic, not just verbally but in general. I know all of this.
More importantly, I know that she deserves better.
So, in essence, the reason nothing can ever happen is because I like her too much.
I told you my mind moves in fucked up circles. Posted at 02:03 pm by mccavenaugh
Sep 26, 2004
Yeah, twice in one day, I'm a regular writing machine, I tell ya...
Anyway, I've got this friend, name of Noah. Probably the weirdest friend I've got, and that's saying something.
Not weird as in pisses himself regularly, or weird as in has extra fingers or toes or an extra head... well, both might be true, but as far as I know they're not.
See, I've never met Noah.
We know each other online, and that's it. Which is really weird, at least to me, because I don't have a ton of "online friends." In fact, there are probably three people I'd put in that category. Maybe a few more I'm not thinking of right now.
Sure, there are a ton of people I talk to online often, but they're temporary time killers for the most part. Not friends, really.
But if I'm feeling like shit and need a laugh, I know I can count on Noah. If I need to bitch and moan, he'll listen. He offers advice if needed, and just says "That sucks" if it's something advice won't help in.
Definitions of a friend.
And, now, he's infiltrated my "real" life, which means his plans of making me piss myself can now go unfulfilled.
And this might be the first entry where I've mentioned self-urination more than once. Posted at 01:26 pm by mccavenaugh
Apparently, I'm still alive.
There's a chance more frequent updates will be forthcoming, although I'm sure no one even checks anymore.
Anyway, I'm sitting here with this big, goofy-ass grin on my face.
I skipped a major blow-out party tonight, didn't get invited to a friend's massive birthday bash last night, and I haven't gotten well and truly laid in far too long.
I just spent an entire day with this girl Evelyn.
I don't know what the fuck is going on with her and me. We're really good friends, at least, but there are times when it seems like it might be more. It's a weird situation, but in a good way, I think. I don't know what the fuck is going on, to repeat myself.
But I like it.
There's something about her... well, there's a lot about her. There's so much about her I couldn't even begin to tell all of it.
I know I'm going to get seriously hurt this time, and I know that I'm setting myself up for a major disappointment... but I don't give a fuck.
I'm happy, right now, at this moment. Posted at 01:21 am by mccavenaugh
Aug 8, 2004
Still on hiatus... but...
INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that are true about you.
3. Whatever you don’t bold is false.
01.I miss somebody right now
02. I don’t watch much TV these days
03. I love olives
04. I love sleeping
05. I own lots of books
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses
07. I love to play video games
08. I’ve tried marijuana
09. I’ve watched porn movies
10. I have been in a threesome
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy
13. I have acne free skin
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton
15. I curse frequently
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
17. I have a hobby
18. I’ve been told I: (women) have an applebottom, (men) am packing.
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me
20. I’m really, really smart
21. I’ve never broken someone’s bone
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
23. I hate the rain
24. I’m paranoid at times
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free
26. I need money right now!
27. I love Sushi
28. I talk really, really fast (sometimes)
29. I have fresh breath in the morning
30. I have semi-long hair
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis
35. I have a twin
36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past
37. I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look sometimes
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
40. I know how to cornrow
41. I am usually pessimistic
42. I have a lot of mood swings
43. I think prostitution should be legalized
44. I think Britney Spears is hot
45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past
46. I have a hidden talent
47. I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
48. I think that I’m popular
49. I am currently single
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex
51. I enjoy talking on the phone
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants
53. I love to shop
54. I would rather shop than eat
55. I would classify myself as ghetto
56. I’m bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders
57. I’m obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal
58. I don’t hate anyone. I dislike them.
59. I’m a pretty good dancer
60. I don’t think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington
61. I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
62. I have a cell phone
63. I believe in God
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months
66. I love drama
68. I’ve rejected someone before
69. I currently have a crush on someone
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
71. I want to have children in the future
72. I have changed a diaper before
73. I’ve called the cops on a friend before
74. I bite my nails
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
76. I’m not allergic to anything
77. I have a lot to learn
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube’s newest "Friday" movie
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex sometimes
81. I’m online 24/7, even as an away message
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before
84. I have made a move on a friend’s significant other in the past
85. I own the "South Park" movie
86. I have avoided assignments at work to be on Xanga or Livejournal
87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum
88. I enjoy some country music
89. I would die for my best friend
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. I’m obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick’s "Children’s Story"
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
98. I have dated a close friend’s ex
99. I have cut my self before
100. I am happy at this moment
Posted at 01:22 am by mccavenaugh
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